Rewiring My Nervous System
I recently taught a workshop to a group of women on learning to regulate your nervous system. After diving into this subject with Linda Thai (www.linda-thai.com), I began to see the play of the autonomic nervous system, especially in my family dynamics. Before exploring this topic, I viewed my difficult life experiences through (primarily) the trauma lens. At times, this left me feeling more victimized and no more empowered to improve my happiness or my relationships.
It would go something like this:
Something happens that triggers me. I feel intense things. The things I feel become overwhelming. I realize I am triggered and why (because I am conscious and have gone to lots of therapy). I feel terrible for feeling triggered on top of the things I am already feeling. I then remember the traumatic thing related to the trigger. That memory makes me feel things on top of the, already present, overwhelming feelings. AND, then I shut down because I am COMPLETELY overwhelmed and lying in a pool of tears and fears (or I’d smoke a cigarette and feel guilty after taking two drags, you get then-so-pretty picture…). Yes, my awareness had improved, and I learned to have great self-compassion, but I didn’t have many tools to navigate those intense moments.
So, what happened there? Quick lesson on the autonomic nervous system. This part of the nervous system regulates the things we don’t think about (breathing, heart rate, digestion…). We can break it down further into:
Sympathetic - UP This is when we have too much energy moving through the system. Think stimulated, activated, triggered - sometimes referred to as fight/flight/freeze.
Ventral - EVEN Here, our energy is in the ideal window - we can enjoy good company and move through life with ease.
Dorsal - DOWN This is when we have too little energy - our nervous system is depressed. Think of animals playing dead of of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh ““Oh, bother….”
You could also think about this from a more Eastern perspective as an overload of Yang/Pitta/Vata (sympathetic), a good balance (ventral), and an overload of Yin/Kapha (dorsal). As I refined my sense of where I was on this continuum, I became (and continue to become) able to discern when I am edging out of the ventral zone, so that I can take action BEFORE I’m past the point of no return.
Some of the actions that have worked well for me -
When I’m feeling activated - put down my phone, go on a walk in nature, abhyanga (self-massage with warm oil), loving self-touch (squeezing my big muscle groups, hands on my heart and belly, hands on my cheeks), PAUSE, orienting to my space (looking right, left, up, down), gentle movement, deep breaths, a warm bath or cup of milk - you get the idea! Think slow, nurturing, gentle, and calming. This isn’t TYPICALLY the time for spin class with the lights show and Lady Gaga blaring, UNLESS some of that energy needs to be discharged through physical exertion and THEN followed up with some of the above activities to bring you down. This is where a little experimentation and discernment over time is super important.
When I’m feeling depressed, I enjoy a bike ride in nature or a brisk walk, uplifting music (NOT the super-emo playlists I often love), dry brushing, calling positive friends and family, patting my body or tapping, orienting out loud to my experience and space, a more active asana practice, a cup of mushroom coffee or green tea - think uplifting, active, and gently stimulating.
By learning to navigate and understand my own nervous system, I am also able to access compassion and care for my loved ones when their nervous systems are on alert. Knowing that their actions and reactions are being driven by a nervous system response that isn’t conscious cultivates empathy. Having conversation (when we have stabilized back in ventral) around these observations and experiences allows us to heal together and support one another more fully when we are triggered. This skillset when coupled with trauma-informed therapies enables me to navigate some of my deepest wounds with patience to facilitate deep healing.
If you would like to dive deeper into this subject, please check out Linda Thai’s online offerings. They are full of rich content and community. I’m available also to explore this work through private psychosomatic sessions to support your healing journey and other therapeutic modalities.
AND, this leads into the next topic I’ve been contemplating, “Energetic Porosity & Permeability” - I’ll dip into this deep one in a few days - stay tuned and stay well!
