You gotta have faith…
When I began to dive deeper into yoga philosophy and I would hear the word “faith”, it felt like nails on the chalkboard inside my belly. If I didn’t roll my eyes at it, I wanted to. Faith reminded me of conservative church, which I tolerated as a child, mostly because I loved the rituals and singing with devotion, and Jesus seemed like he was onto something with the “It’s all about LOVE” message. I liked that. I tolerated it (I did like dressing up) until someone in the church told me that my Jewish friend would go to hell unless she became a Christian. I think I was about 10 at the most, and that was the point I decided I’d never go to church again, if I had any say in it. It was a big loss on the church’s part, because it turns out I am a woman of great devotion potential. I thrive on routine, I love rituals, old stories, tradition, and I am naturally heart-centered. Even in elementary school, I had zero tolerance for discrimination. Apparently it was one strike, and you’re out - don’t mess with my people. *For the record, I have nothing against Christianity, only those who hurt others in the name of religion…
The Sanskrit word often associated with faith is “śraddhā”. Something about that word, the first time I heard it, pulled me in. I had to understand that word. And when I heard it translated as faith, I was like, okay, here we go. Intense aversion typically means there’s an opportunity for expansion. Eight or so years later, and the word still ignites something in me. Spiritual practice requires faith. For me, it required faith that there was something greater to connect with - something I couldn’t calculate, touch, or see. And I knew that something was connected to love, somehow. When I threw myself into a chanting practice, I did it on faith. When I began to inquire about and place my attention on Sarasvati and Shiva and Durga and Ganesha, I didn't know their stories - I believed they were a way in. The more faith I put in my āsana practice and my teachers, the more I learned about myself. I journeyed to India on faith. The difference in this faith from the faith of my childhood was that this faith came from my own heart. I didn’t have a singular teacher at the time, I had an internal fire to understand the truth of reality.
Leaning into faith allowed me to reconnect with a mystical part of myself that was hidden under a lot of life experience. I found my way back to the girl who knew that anyone who was saying my Jewish friend should go to hell was clearly not aligned with my idea of God. I found my way back to the girl who always saw God in the water, who refused to eat another creature after seeing a fish suffering. I found my way back to the girl who gathered in ritual with her friends under the night sky, invoking the elements, who read the texts of all the religions and saw their shared truths, who sang the name of God with joy in her heart. I found my way back to the girl who was a mother to the world.
For me, faith led me home to myself and my intuitive power.
Yoga Sutra 1.20 śraddhā-vīrya-smrti-samādhi-prajña-pūrvaka itareshām
My path to peace began with faith - that I could find peace, that the teachings were valid, that I was capable of connecting to something greater than sensory-perceived reality. It has been sustained with effort. I just keep showing up, sitting, studying. I remind myself often of the teachings and pull in to my center, the foundation of which, is faith. From this, my intuition has strengthened. Then, I trust my intuition, and it becomes like another layer of this same path.
Try it out! Put your faith in something, someone, some idea - focus your effort, keep coming back, again, and again, and again. Put a reminder on your phone, your mirror, your car. Let me know what opens up for you!
Keep the faith :)
